Indecisive

I must admit that I am rather disappointed in myself for not keeping to this blog as originally intended.  The truth is though that I have been writing.... I just haven't felt confident enough to post my rambles recently,... and even some of my rambles really shouldn't be posted in the first place.  So in need of a motivater, I have decided to set some timed goals for myself that I will need to reflect on plus a side project that should get my creative juices flowing.
First there is the better living goal...
      In high school I was the fittest I think I will ever be in my life(hopefully I can change that.)  Since coming to CUA, I must admit that I have become good friends with the couch and reclining work chairs of which I have had constant access to these last three years.  I am proud to admit that I didn't suffer from the freshman 15,... more like freshman 5, and have kept a decent weight and composure till I moved into this apartment last May.  Since last May, I have slowly backed on extra cushioning thanks to my new life transition to a desk job and the lack of ability to work-out around my apartment because it just really isn't a good idea.  But now that spring and summer are coming back around, and I am in desperate need of some sun, I have decided to start running again.  While being a member of my high school marching band, I had the access to the schools track basically at all times.  It made running at any time... easier.  I loved running then and I still love it now, I just haven't been as devoted to it because of dancing and trying to graduate,etc.  So, the goal I am setting is for the next six weeks...  By the end of six weeks, I would like to have reached within 5 pounds of my high school weight (if that is still possible), and restore my physical endurance  levels back to where they should be.. for a girl like me.  My comparison is that I would like to be able to march a ten min. show without breaking a sweat till the last min. or so.... I know that might be hard to relate to, but my fellow bandies will know what I am reminiscing over.
Second is the new style goal...
     The thing about me is that I have never really seemed to fit into my age group... unless forced to.  For as long as I can remember, people have told me home mature I am, how I looked older than I really am, how I have an aura about me that makes me seem like an elder or wise woman, etc.  I have both loved and hated these comments.  I liked that I was able to stick out, but I disliked the lack of connection I have had with my peers.  There are a few from high school that I have remained closely connected with, but it wasn't till I got to CUA that I really found persons of my same caliber.  I still stick out amongst my peers here, but I have developed the reputation of being a sort of hard ass about everything.  I am extremely critical and am willing to question anyone about anything if I am not convinced about their arguments or beliefs.  This in combination with the fact that I have maintained a job since my sophomore year of high school makes me a  bit of a professionalistic personality.  Being a college student, you can't help recall dressing like a college student.  To put it plainly, I am sick of it.  I know that I am much more than I appear, and I would like to be able to present myself in attire that will hopefully close the gap.  If I were in TN, I would seek out the help of my sisters Olivia and Abbey, but sadly I am not in TN.  So I am stuck trying to put together a style on my own.  I know what I am looking for, the problem is that it will require almost a complete change in my wardrobe.... which actually is a marvelous idea.  Logically I can not do this all at once, so this will also have to spread out over a period of time.  My goal is that by August 15th, I will have replaced 60% of my closet with professional and semi professional attire that fits my personality.  In that 60% there will be a combination of seasonal attire that can mix without complication of seasonal storing.  I really hate my storage bins and am looking forward to tossing them eventually.
Finally the side project...
     I am a reader.  I have always been a reader.  Ask my mother.  With my extensive reading, I have come to love and hate, like and dislike, understand and confuse several topics and writers.  What I want to do is start discussing the books I am reading.  These books might be for class or for personal enjoyment.  The point of this is to help prepare me for taking the Literature GRE subject test and for my senior comps exam.  The only way I am going to be able to recall all of the multiple titles and characters and topics is if I am discussing them and comparing the on a regular basis.  For my intensive narrative class, we are having to post to every week and blurb about our current reading... what parks our interest, what bothers us, what were confused about, if we have a revelation, etc.  I will be posting my comments from there to here and the other way to try and make things more interesting.
So yeah.  That is all have to say for right now.  Tomorrow I want to address the book Lucky Jim by Kingsly Amis.  We have finished reading it in class and I want to discuss it a bit more because I do not think we through dug through the novel enough.  It was more like settling and I hate that.